I've been battling a lot of envy and impatience lately. I haven't trusted in God as much as I need to. I admit, some days are harder than others, and today was one of those days: Today, for some unexplainable reason, I woke up and just wanted to be in love. I know, I know: I'm a hopeless, foolish romantic. I (sometimes) call myself stupid, too. I want so badly to be in love and be in a covenant of marriage with the love of my life (I still have no idea who "she" is). I wrestle back and forth with this. Part of me points out that I'm only 16 and I need to focus on school and following God, not romance. The other part argues that I turn seventeen in two and a half weeks and that twenty-thirty years ago, the typical marrying age was late teens. (In case you were wondering, the average age to get married is now around twenty-five.)
I've noticed that a common downfall of youth is an impatience to wait on the future. We want so bad to do adult-things, like driving, owning a apartment/house, being married, having kids, etc., that we foolishly rush into these things before we're ready for them. I know teenagers who recklessly drive their cars as if they were go-carts. I know girls who have intentionally had babies, because they think it's fun and easy to take care of babies and they think a baby is just a super-cool doll. I'm not kidding. I know several kids who have run away from home, or gotten married at seventeen, or whatever. It just doesn't seem right! If you aren't old enough to buy alcohol or buy paint at Home Depot (Believe it or not, you have to be 18 or older to buy paint from Home Depot), you certainly shouldn't be getting married. Sure, people got married at younger ages decades ago, but that was decades ago! Times have vastly changed now. I hear some teenagers argue that back in Bible days, girls got married at thirteen. That's well and all, but that's 2,000-6,000 years ago. These teenagers have no concept of how things have changed! And a lot of my friends argue that their parents were married at seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, whatever. Let's say those parents got married twenty-thirty years ago. In 1975 (31 years ago), did you know that the founders of Facebook, YouTube, and Google weren't even born yet? Starbucks was still a local chain in Seattle and Wal-Mart was a small retailer. Fed-Ex, Dell, and Staples didn't even exist yet! And that's just thirty years ago.
I'm not blogging just to get on my soapbox. Really, I'm just preaching to myself as much as anyone else. My parents were eighteen and nineteen and in college when they were wed. But I know that I probably won't be ready for such an important, lifelong commitment in one-two years. Maybe. Maybe. (Hopefully!!!) But probably not. I've got too much growing and maturing to do.
But that doesn't stop me from dreaming about her. I probably think about her dozens of times a day. Some days, it's so bad that I analyze my girl friends considering if they might be her. I'm terribly ashamed to say I've made a mental list of possible candidates. When my mind wanders to thoughts of marriage, I begin to imagine what my love story would be like is "so-and-so" were my wife. Would it sound like, "We met when I was fifteen. I thought she was cute; she found me annoying. After three years, we fell in love..." Or maybe like, "We met for the first time in college. We were paired up for a class assignment and soon fell in love..." Or could it sound like, "We worked together/went to school together/went to camp together and fell in love..." That list I mentioned has around ten girls on it. That shows how much I know about who she is! The possibilities are endless and torturous! It's hopeless foolishness.
As I mentioned at the beginning, today was especially hard. I don't know why. But it was. So I got on my knees before God, held up my purity in both hands (like the scene in the Lion King...), and told God that my future, my marriage, and my love story are in His hands. He is the ultimate story-teller and would do a much better job at writing my love story than I would. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out on my own. It isn't my job. I believe that when I am when, when she is ready, and when it's God's timing, He won't fail to make it obvious to both of us. 'Til then, it's my job to stay pure, stayed devoted to God, and continue build my life's foundation on the Rock. Isn't that the best way to use my Single Years?