Thursday, October 18, 2012

Throwback Thursdays: True Love Awaits

If you're a faithful reader of Letters From Logan, chances are that you've noticed that I don't write about purity as often as I used to. Why is that?

The answer is slightly complicated. The reason I haven't written about purity much lately is because my standards and opinions have been slowly changing and evolving.

Every single post I have written about purity was written before I ever got into my first real relationship. Abby and I have been dating for over five months now, and with that experience (which, honestly, isn't much) in my pocket, I have been slowly changing the way I look at purity.

At this point, you probably want an example of what I mean. I have long said I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day. That's changed. I kissed Abby a few months ago.

That may not seem like a big deal at all to you, but if you were to read all of my posts in which I say emphatically that I'm waiting until marriage to kiss, you'd probably be raising your eyebrows right now. So why change my standard? The answer to that is simple: I stopped being legalistic about it. I realized I was only saving my first kiss because I thought it make me look good and spiritual, which I guess it did. But my parents had also offered me $5,000 to save my kiss till marriage. No disrespect intended, Mom and Dad, but I think it's legalistic to not kiss my girlfriend for money. I confess it was the big reason I was saving my kiss. And you know what? I haven't felt the slightest tinge of guilt about kissing her. I love kissing her! It's one of the best feelings in the world!

But I do feel a little embarrassed about my attitude about purity. I viewed it with very legalistic eyes. That is why when I look at purity now, I judge it on what the Bible has to say. The Bible says to steer clear from sexual immorality, and to save sex till marriage; it doesn't say to wait till your wedding to lock lips. It's a whole lot simpler than I made it out to be.

So I share this old post with you because it's message is pretty basic: just wait until marriage to have sex. And I want you to understand the simplicity of purity. So many of us stress out about what is right and what is wrong to do before marriage. You know what I think? In a nutshell, you should save sex, and all things sexual relations-related, till marriage. I say that for two main reasons: 1) God says to save it, and 2) you don't want to be burnt out on it when you get married, do you?? The Bible is more than clear that it's wrong to mess around before marriage, and from a logical standpoint, whatever you do before marriage won't be as fun during marriage. So don't waste your fun! It's better to wait and let that anticipation and sexual tension build. Choose to be patient, the first quality of love.

So if you haven't yet, make the commitment to purity! If you think kissing before marriage is wrong, fine. But I challenge you to look at it through simple, Biblical lenses and see what you find. Purity can be really tricky and complicated; don't make it that way.  Follow God and He will guide you. True Love Awaits you if you do.


Purity has been a popular topic amongst my blogger friends lately. I just read Disturbing View of Purity by LeaningOnHim and was left thoughtful by her unashamed stance on purity and sexual chastity. 

It disturbs me at the shame society places on virginity. Many people look down on virgins. Last summer, I bought a t-shirt that says in big letters on the front "Virginity Rocks", and the back of the shirt says "I'm loving my wife and I haven't even met her yet!" I wore that shirt to school one time, and for weeks people would make comments and ask me about that shirt. It was a bold declaration of my stance on sex. People took note of it and I was known for it. I joked with people that I didn't want to spend money on a purity ring, and a cheap t-shirt would suffice instead.

For some reason, the cliche "True love waits" is inscribed on most purity rings. I like to think about what that saying represents. It obviously states that true love waits for marriage to have sex. That's pretty basic. And it's true. If you really love your future spouse, you won't be sleeping around before marriage. What better way to love your husband or wife by saving yourself sexually for him or her? I won't hold it against my future wife if she has lost her virginity, but it will certainly make me happier and more comfortable if she had saved herself for me.

Why can't the saying be "True love awaits"? In my opinion, true love awaits husband and wife if both have saved themselves for marriage. It isn't that you can't love your spouse if you've lost your virginity, but saving your sexuality for marriage means you've cared about sexual purity your whole life. I'd say that's a very bold statement! So while there is complete redemption and forgiveness those who have squandered their purity away, true love awaits those who purposefully save their bodies until marriage.


Rebecca said...

I enjoy reading your blog. Several of your posts, especially around this time last year, I believe God has used in my life to help affirm my convictions. You have wisdom.

You say you used to be legalistic. I can understand how you feel that way now. Experience does change things. But you can go too far in the other direction. I was like that in my past relationship. I rationalized going further than we had planned to (Even though we never kissed. Yeah, it's possible, and I'm glad now that we didn't). I would tell myself, "Well, it's okay for us to be somewhat physical because it's both our love languages" and other things that made me feel better about it. The reality was that it made me feel way more emotionally close to him and feel like we were headed towards marraige, when we were very far off. Essentially, it was a lie (even though he did not mean to) because it made me think he was closer to being ready than he astually was. That caused deep hurt when I realized that we weren't anywhere close to where I thought we were.

You could both be absolutely fine with kissing, but by deepening your physical expression, even without realizing it, you could be leading her on. While you are maturing spiritually, emotionally, and in other ways more than most guys I know, you have to admit, you still have a ways to go. You have said in the past that you want to wait until you graduate to get married (you may have changed that along with the legalistic thing, I don't know). I don't know what all you are going to be doing with college, but let's just say that's 3 1/2 years from now. Then you're going to have to get a job. As much as you might feel ready right now, you're not (I'm not either, if that makes you feel better). I bet you can think of several flaws and character issues that God needs to iron out of you before you can be a good husband to Abby. As much fun as being married young may be, there are so many real life issues that come along with it. I'm sure you can think of several right off the top of your head.

So the point I'm trying to make here is: Make sure you're both on the same page. If you feel like kissing is appropriate and God-glorifying right now (I hope it is important to you that every facet of your relationship glorifies God. The things that don't, turn into sin fast.)then make sure you both realize that it will probably be awhile before you are ready to marry, and that you might need to limit your physical involvement so you don't do too much, too fast (that's another easy way to get into sin: to reach your boundaries quickly and get bored, then start pushing the limits). It's like this (CFA joke coming up here!) if you open a package of Chick-fil-a Sauce to go with your waffle fries, you don't use most of it up on the first fry. You portion it out so you will still have enough when you reach the last fry (a.k.a right before you get married.).

Sorry for this HUGE comment, and thank you for reading it. I hope it's understandable and not un-called for.

I'll be praying for you and Abby (for real, I'm not just saying that to sound "Christian").


Tunafish said...

Hey, thanks for posting... and sorry for not being too consistent a reader. But it's always good when I find the time =) Just today I was talking to Abby (a different one =P kinda weird how they both have the same name...) and we decided not to pursue our relationship on a deeper level... not telling you to do anything, just saying what happening. But thanks for the thoughts (Logan and Rebecca), I'll be keeping them in mind for the future. I've come to dislike this lag of time and how I seem to be getting ahead of myself allot. Readily anticipating the Great Wedding and all the joys to follow =)

Ashley Jones said...

Logan, it's been a long time since I've been here and looks like a long time since you should consider starting again.