Have you ever thought about what it'd be like to fall in love? Chances are, if you've gone through puberty, you've given a lot of thought to what it would be like to fall in love. I know that I have. I love to daydream about falling in love. I fantasize about picnics in the park, strolling in the moonlight, and going on fancy dates. I dream about going to dances, talking late into the night by the fire, and buying her nice gifts. I can't wait to share my heart, my body, and my life with my wife one day. And if you're old enough to understand what I'm saying, you probably have spent a fair amount of time daydreaming about your own love story. I don't think there's a teenager out there who's never thought about what it'd be like to be married. I think it's also fair to say we often dream about what kind of spouse we'd like to have.
But do we ever stop and think about what kind of spouse we want to be?
As a young man, what kind of leader do I want to be? How can I lead my wife and my children in a Christlike way? What kind of husband do I want to be? What kind of father will I turn out to be? In what way do I want to be the spiritual leader of my family? How do I lead my wife and children towards Christ? Do I want to have family Bible studies or devotionals? And what expectations will I have for my children to attend church? What about my priorities in life? Will I make my family more important than work or church? What will I prioritize as a husband and dad? Would I be the type of father who always chooses work over my son's baseball games? And how do I want to raise my kids? What kind of role model do I want to be for them? How can servant leadership apply to my role as a husband and a father?
For the young women out there, you need to be asking yourself questions like, What kind of wife and mother do I want to be? How can I support my husband and help him grow closer to the Lord? Am I okay with the fact that my husband is the God-ordained leader of the family? Am I humble enough to let him make the final decisions? And also, where do I find my identity? How do I define my self-worth? In my beauty, my husband, my wealth, my accomplishments, my Savior? And what do I want my priorities to be in life? Who and what is most important to me? And what kind of relationships do I want with my husband and my children? What parenting style do I want to use? How do I want to raise my kids? What kind of role model do I want to be? What school environment do I want them raised in? Home school? Public school? Private school? And what kind of church do I want to raise them in? A big church? Small church? Comtemporary church? Traditional church? How can I apply servant leadership to my role as a wife and as a mother?
I know I'm not far off from being old enough to be in a relationship, so I've been giving some serious thought to what kind of husband and lover I want to be. I've decided that I want to be a servant leader in my romance. I want to lead my wife with patience, kindness, humility, respect, selflessness, forgiveness, honesty, and commitment. I want to be a Godly husband and a Godly father. I want to learn what it means to love my wife in the way Christ loves the church. I want to know what God expects of me as a husband and as a father. I want to know how I can love my wife romantically in the way God wants.
I think it all starts with commitment. I want to be committed to my future wife now. I want my actions and behaviors as a single teenager to show my future wife that since I was committed to her before marriage, she can trust that I am committed to her in marriage. How can I do that? By saving my virginity until marriage. By not giving a part of my heart away to other girls before I give it all away to her at the altar. By making God my top priority in life. By using my single years to glorify my God. By making the most of my life now so that I'll know how to make the most of my life when I'm married to her.
I want to be a committed, faithful, and loyal husband. I want my integrity and honor to be unquestionable. I know of Christian husbands who have earned the full trust of their wives. Their wives don't worry about them sleeping with another woman when they go on business trips. Their wives don't have to wonder if they sleep with coworkers or if they view pornography. I want to be one of those men. I want to have earned my wife's trust. I want my integrity to be such that my wife never has to wonder if I'm cheating on her. I don't want my wife to ever wonder if my love for her has wavered. I don't want her to have to second-guess my loyalties. I want my commitment to be unquestionable.
Proverbs 20:6 has become something of a theme song for me lately. It says, "Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" I want to be that faithful man. I want the level of my commitment and loyalty to my wife and my children to be so high that it's rare. I don't want to be another guy who professes his love for a woman, but then divorces her for a younger skirt after ten years of marriage. I want the words "I love you" to mean something to my wife. I want her to know that my feelings and my commitment is serious. I want her to know that she is worth a Godly and faithful husband.
I have made a few commitments for my future wife. I have committed to save my first kiss until the altar. I want my first kiss to come after the words, "You may now kiss the bride", because since I know it's wrong to kiss a woman who isn't my wife when I'm married, then I believe I shouldn't kiss a woman who isn't my wife when I'm not married. I want my first kiss to mean something. I'm also saving my virginity until marriage. I want my wife to know she is so special that I was willing to wait all those years before I had sex. I want her to know I saved myself for her because I wanted to honor her and to do something very special for her. And I also want to show that I was patient enough to wait, and that I decided to obey God's commands on sexual purity. And I've also decided that I don't want to tell my girl that I love her until the altar. I really, really want those three words to mean something. By saving those words, I want her to know how much I cherish, value, and respect her. I want her to know that I'm that faithful man who is hard to find.
By saving my kisses, my body, and the words "I love you" until I'm married, I want to show my God, my wife, and everyone else that my commitment means something. I want my wife to know and to trust that when I tell her I love her, I mean it. I want her to know that when I kiss her, she is very special and valuable to me. And when we have sex, I want her to know that she is worth waiting for.
That's the kind of leader I want to be in my marriage. What kind of leader do you want to be?