Judge Not Lest You Be Judged

As a Christian, I hear a lot about being judgmental. And frankly, it's been wearing on me. So I decided to write about being judgmental to bring some clarity and peace to my mind.

But before I dive into the post, I want to first clarify what being judgmental really means. Scripture defines judgmental-ness as being hypocritical, or two-faced. It's the pot calling the kettle black. I've also heard it said that we judge others by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions. In other words, we set higher expectations for others than we do for ourselves and we unfairly hold them to our too-high expectations.

Being judgmental means you are prideful, arrogant, and conceited. Scripture says, "Judge not lest you be judged: (Matt. 7:1). We all struggle with being judgmental, albeit to various degrees, so I want to share three steps that will hopefully help you out.

1. In order to overcome judgmental-ness, we need to acquire a realistic view of the human condition. We are sinners. Romans 3:10-12 says, "There is no one righteous; no even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." Some people believe they are good people. They believe that mankind is naturally good. The Bible says otherwise. Isaiah 59:2-3 says, "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken lies, and your tongue mutters wicked things." Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Don't expect people to be perfect; they can't be. And you aren't perfect either.

2. In order to overcome judgmental-ness, you'll also need to humble yourself and understand your own imperfection. You are not perfect. You are a sinner. We've just read Scripture that explained this. And you won't be overcoming your judgmental attitude without adopting humility as your new mindset. It won't be easy, but with the Spirit of Christ living in you, anything is possible (Phil. 4:13). "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in this world (1 John 4:4), so you already have the tools necessary to adopt humility. I need to be fair, though. It's said that once you think you're humble, you're not. Does that make sense? As soon as you think you have it, you just lost it. It's a lifelong process. But you'll need to chase after humility in order to recognize your own sinfulness. And once you recognize your own sin, you'll be motivated to stop judging others.

Oh, and not only will you need humility in your fight to overcome being judgmental...

3. You will also need to clothe yourself in love and grace. The best way to stop judging others is to start loving them. What is the opposite of judgment? Love and grace. And that's what the Bible was telling us in Romans 12:20, which says, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink." In Matthew 5:43-48, Jesus said, "'You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven... If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." The whole point is to love instead of hate. "The Golden Rule is: "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:39). If you want to stop hating, start loving.

Ever heard of the Trash In: Trash Out concept? I explain in detail in my post Captivating Yet Corruptive Trash, but in short, it's a belief that what you put in your heart and mind comes back out. For example, if you let trash in by constantly watching movies with filthy language and your friends constantly cuss, you probably use bad language yourself. And if you watch porn and watch movies that are R-rated for sexual content and hang out with immodest and promiscuous girls, you probably have had sexual experiences, or you really want to but you're waiting on the "right opportunity." Trash goes in, trash comes right back out. Well it's the same with the same with good stuff. If you let Christ in, Christ comes out. If you let love in, love comes out. And the funny thing is you can't ever be "empty." If you want your trash removed, you can't just empty the trash, you have to replace it with love. You can't sit at "empty", between the two. If you try, I guarantee that you'll just teeter back to sin. You have to live in love, or you'll live in sin.

In conclusion, in order to overcome judgmental-ness, you'll have to acquire a realistic view of the human condition, understand your own imperfection, and replace judgment with love. I want to leave you with encouragement, so I challenge you to love. The apostle Paul wrote, "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." It doesn't matter what you do: without love, you'll be and gain nothing.

Replacing the Trash, Part 2: Dating vs. Waiting

Is it just me, or is the teenage dating scene continuously getting worse? Maybe it's just where I live, but it seems everyone is in and out of relationships like clockwork. Of all my friends and all their relationships, only two are still intact and have survived over two years. Both are flourishing, and both couples are each over eighteen. On the other hand, there's all my other friends. Their stories are all the same: crush turns to dating, dating turns to hating, hating turns to annoying Facebook updates filled with hate and complaining and regret. The pattern is so predictable and so far removed from what God wants that it isn't even funny.

I can't help but think of a former friend. This guy started going to church at thirteen and he started to understand what this whole God thing was. The problem is that he's a gotta-have-a-girl guy, so on top of his numerous relationships previous to church, he dated three girls in the youth group. I talked a lot with him about purity and lust, and I once asked him if he had ever kissed a girl. He said, "Oh yeah, and I've regretted it every single time." Since that conversation, he's had at least three girlfriends, and dropped out of church. Each relationship ends bitterly, with drama and pain and regret. And yet he still goes back to relationships.

Why?

If something doesn't work the first twenty times, why try again?

Let me share some of my story. If you've been a faithful reader for a while, you know that I've been in two hard relationships. The first one, I became great friends with a girl. We did everything together, and our moms and younger siblings were good friends, so it just clicked. An actual relationship was never established, but, I assumed, after seeing each other at least four times a week for two months, we had to be more than regular friends. We were peas in a pod, and emailed each other several times a day, and went everywhere together. I helped out with their garden and yard work sometimes, and we all went to the movies together and played at parks and hung out at each others' houses. Then I noticed she was giving me the cold shoulder. After two weeks of this, I couldn't take it anymore and asked her in an email what was going on. Her reply stabbed me in the heart. Summarized, it said, "I don't want to be your friend anymore, and we shouldn't hang out at all." I had no clue what was going on. The only reason she ever gave was that she believed I wanted more out of our relationship than she wanted to give. As far as I was concerned, that was big fat bologna. If it was true she never wanted anything more than friendship with me, then she performed the best act of leading-someone-on that I've ever seen. We still never talk and even though I've forgiven her and moved on, I'm still lost as to why it ended.

The second relationship was similar. This one was official. We were a couple. Only we saw each other at church and rarely did anything outside of church. After a month, she began to give me the cold shoulder. I was getting tired of it, so I asked. After a text conversation, we both agreed we liked each other better as friends, which was true. We were good friends before the dumb relationship and both wished it was like that again. So the relationship ended. And apparently, our friendship did too. Since that relationship ended over fifteen months ago, I can count the times on both hands where she initiated contact with me or even looked me in the eye. In her mind, "ending the relationship to be friends again" apparently meant the friendship was over too. I tried to be friends; boy, I tried harder than anything. But she didn't care. I still don't really know why she did that to me.

A few months after the second girl kicked our friendship to the curb, I  had a revelation:

dating isn't for me.

I tried finding the one, oh I tried. And it wasn't working out. My dream of marrying a high-school sweetheart had failed bitterly. After all, it's hard to marry a high-school sweetheart without the sweetheart. And I have pretty bad luck finding a loyal, loving, dedicated sweetheart. So I adopted a revolutionary mindset: I'm leaving it up to God. I believe that I don't need to try to find her myself. If God has a woman picked out for me, then I'm trusting Him to introduce her to me. God had the perfect match for me, and I'm the perfect match for that woman. I don't think God would create us and place us in the right time, the right place, just to let us miss each other. I serve a God much more loving and faithful than that. So my trust is in His timing. When I'm ready for my wife and she's ready for me and when He is pleased with the timing, He'll introduce us. Or if we're already friends or know of each other, He'll reveal His glorious plan. I don't doubt it.

Are my lustful wishes for a relationship still there? Do I desire the intimacy and love of a relationship? Yeah, but then I sober up. I remember my trust in God and know that if I try anything on my own, I'll only mess up what He's got planned for me. The next relationship that I'll be in unfortunately won't be my first, but if I stayed dedicated to God's plan, it will be my last.

If you're on the fence about what you want, I encourage you to read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and then read Boy Meets Girl, both by Joshua Harris. Both books are written from a Christian perspective by a guy who, like me, got fed up with the unproductive ways of dating. Josh Harris wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye as a single, and he wrote Boy Meets Girl several years after he got married. I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows you what Scripture has to say about the dating methods of today's society and why you may want to consider not dating. Boy Meets Girl tells you what real romance is about, and how to find it (hint: trusting God and letting Him write your love story).

So please, decide what you want to do. Whatever you choose, dating or waiting, failure is guaranteed if you don't have a plan of attack. Decide which road you want to take, and then prepare to be assaulted by our enemy. If you commit to dating, then you've already been warned by me as to what you will face. If you choose to wait, you'll be tempted with relationships, a misguided sense of loneliness, and a desire to stray from the path. Don't give in. I daily fight the sexual desires, the wishes to have a girlfriend, and impatience for marriage. It's all a part of daily dying to my own desires, killing my flesh. Arm yourselves with purity, prayer, hope, patience, and trust. The only way to make it is to rely fully on God. Any other way is like building a house on shifting sand.

Replacing the Trash, Part 1:The best bands of Christian music

So many of my friends are addicted to just plain ole' evil music. They fill their minds with Lil' Wayne, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Kesha, Kayne West, Eminem, Black Eyed Peas, Katy Perry. I used to listen to that kind of music. I was hooked on the infectious tunes and catchy lyrics. I didn't care about sin. "I was only listening to the music." But once I slowly began to let God change me, He burdened me with a guilt when I listened to that music. I knew that I couldn't aim for purity and Godliness if I was listening to music with explicit lyrics and references to sex.

James 3:10-12 says,  "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." It's not possible for sin and God to flow into or out of the same heart. It has to be One, or the other. This carries over into every part of our lives, especially music. There's no way a Christian should listen to immoral music. (This is where I usually here the arguments). "All Christian music sounds the same." "Christian music stinks." "There's no good Christian rapper!" I know enough about Christian music to call all these bluffs. Christian music is so good, so diverse, so improved that there's no longer a excuse that holds any water.

(And just a head' up, this is a long post, so feel free to skim or skip to your preferred genre.)

You like Lil' Wayne, Eminem, Sean Kingston, Iyaz, Kanye West? There's some pretty good Christian rappers out there now. I admit, no one is quite as good musically as some of these secular artists; and no one is even half as fast and smooth as Eminem. The genre Christian rap genre has the most room to improve. But the powerful lyrics usually make up for it. Check out Flame, Lecrae, Tedashii, Shonlock, Pro, Trip Lee, or 116 Clique. You can even throw in the two white guys: John Reuben and KJ-52, although I'm not quite sure what genre they fall into. Lecrae is easy the big one to listen to. He's the most refined musically and gifted lyrically. Nobody's as good as Lecrae, especially his albums Rebel and Rehab.

Now what about Metallica, AC/DC, or Slipnot? Christian music has its share of awesome hard core metal bands. Try Demon Hunter, Gwen Stacy, Haste the Day, The Devil Wears Prada, Underoath, or August Burns Red. Demon Hunter and Underoath are the most popular, and very popular even amongst non-Christians. I personally love Gwen Stacy because of their guitars and screamer; and if you're curious, yes, they named themselves after the blonde girl in Spider-Man 3.

Since we're talking about rock, maybe you love hard rock, but not full-time screamo. Perhaps you like Linkin Park, Breaking Benjamin, Disturbed, etc. If so, check out Disciple, Fireflight, Flyleaf, the Letter Black, Red, Skillet, and Thousand Foot Krutch. Disciple's latest album, Horseshoes & Handgrenades, is very well done. Fireflight, Flyleaf, and the Letter Black are all led by female vocalists. Fireflight has a little bit of pop rock in their sound. Flyleaf is dark, edgy, and hardcore. Red is quickly amassing an enormous fan base, and are known to be dark and almost angry in their music. Skillet is easily the most popular, and for good reasons. But in my opinion, Thousand Foot Krutch (a.k.a., TFK) is the best. Lead singer Trevor McNevon is such an awesome vocalist, and writes and performs all the guitars on the albums. TFK has the best guitars of any band. Their music is compelling, pounding, addicting, catchy, and unlike any other band. The best part is they make great albums, not just great songs. The Flame in All of Us, Welcome to the Masquerade, and Phenomenon are incredibly great albums, from the first to last track.

Maybe pop rock is your thing. Christian music abounds in this. There some Christian pop rock artists that are just pure fun. Try FM Static, Hawk Nelson, Me in Motion, Philmont, and Stellar Kart. FM Static is comprised of two of the three members of TFK, including Trevor McNevon, so I love FM Static. Their music is fun, driven, catchy, sometimes bubbly, and just pure fun. Look up Definitely Maybe, Tonight, The Unavoidable Feeling of Being on the Inside, Take Me As I Am, The Voyage of Beliefs, Sometimes My Brain Says No But My Heart Says Yes, F.M.S.T.A.T.I.C., and Last Train Home. Hawk Nelson and Stellar Kart are very popular bands on Christian radio, but they've sort of lost their identity as bands. Stellar Kart used to be pop rock but have not gone mostly pop. Hawk Nelson would've been an amazing alternative punk band but have travled the road of wanna-be pop artists. Still, their older albums have some great tracks, and if you don't mind pop, they're new stuff is pretty good. Philmont definitely is a fun pop punk band with traces of bubbly techno. It's hard to sit still when listening to any of these bands.

Unfortunately, Christian music doesn't have an artist with the sound of Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or Brittany Spears. Nobody, their beat gets in your head and makes you dance. Britt Nicole comes closest. Britt's music is usually not quite as fast-paced, but it's catchy and fun and makes you feel good. Group 1 Crew has molded their sound after the Black Eyed Peas. They're not my style but pretty good.

A few good pop/light rock bands include Addison Road, Brandon Heath, The Afters, Sarah Reeves, Sidewalk Prophets, and Danya. Addison Road is a very good inspirational band; I definitely suggest them to anyone. Brandon Heath, well, pretty much everyone knows this guy from his hit song Give Me Your Eyes. His new album has a slight country flavor but mostly pop and is pretty decent, though I haven't heart much of it. The Afters are so very good. In spite of a clunker for latest album, their first two were very good. They've got some amazing harmonic beats and great choruses. Sarah Reeves is an upcoming artist who performs worship music with a pop sound. She's lead worship for my small youth group and has a phenomenally pure voice. And most people know Sidewalk Prophets from their many radio hits in the past year. They simply sing the Word and deliver it with an exciting and contagious passion. Haven't heard of Danya? I'm not surprised. They are a fun yet serious upcoming punk rock band. They're on iTunes and are working on a new EP now. They're definitely worth looking up. Do it!

It's time to discuss the giants of Christian music: tobyMac, Casting Crowns, MercyMe, Sanctus Real, and David Crowder Band. tobyMac started out nearly as a crunk-rapper. His first three albums were very fun and fast-paced with catchy rhymes and driving music. His latest album, however, is mostly pop. With a caribbean flair, I'm reminded of Sean Kingston, but at a much slower pace. Yet he remains one of the most, if not the most, popular Christian artist. Casting Crowns may very well be the most famous on the radio. They're all youth pastors, so their music is particularly reaching and passionate. They aren't my style of music, but they still are very good. MercyMe is known mostly for their insanely famous song I Can Only Imagine. But their album Coming Up To Breathe and The Generous Mr. Lovewell are both very good albums and both fun and serious, both dedicated to God through and through. Sanctus Real has gotten better with each album. I really like their vocals and feel-good guitars. David Crowder Band combimes worship with an insanely catchy techno/pop sound. Many comtemporary churches sing their songs in church. They're one of my favorite bands.

Now for the techno/punk-rock genre. The best two are Capital Lights and Eleventyseven. Fun, infectious, and bubbly, these two bands are so good at what they do. Unfortunately, Capital Lights made one great album but then broke up. That album, This is an Outrage!, was really, really good. My brother likes Mile Away, but I find it too pop-y. Let the Little Lady Talk, Outrage, and The Night of Your Life is When You'll Die are my favorite. Eleventyseven's last two albums are pretty good, and they have such a unique sound. They're known for Love in Your Arms, Evil Genius, and How It Feels (To Be With You). Check them out!

One of the most unique is crunk-rock. There's really only one band that fits here: Family Force 5. What more should I say? These five guys can rock. If you've never heard of these guys, check out Love Addict, Kountry Gentleman, Earthquake, Put Ur Hands Up, Dance or Die, Get Your Back Off the Wall, Fever, Wake the Dead, Radiator, Keep the Party Alive, and Whatcha Gonna Do With It. I beg of you to check Family Force 5 out. They're in their own genre!

With a somewhat similar sound to Family Force 5, Manafest combines rap, rock, and crunk to make a sometimes corny but usually awesome sound. Manafest's song So Beautiful is my favorite song of all-time, amassing nearly 400 plays in just over two years. Also look up 4321, Impossible, Bounce, Renegade, Every Time You Run, No Plan B (feat. Koie of Cross Faith), and Fire in the Kitchen.

Now for alternative. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Yellowcard, and 30 Seconds to Mars fans, you'll love The Almost, the Classic Crime, House of Heroes, Relient K, and Search the City. The Almost, man, what a band! They're latest album is so good. Check out Hands, Monster Monster, No I Don't, Books and Books, and Souls on Ten, Say this Sooner, Southern Weather, and their cover of Free Fallin'. The Classic Crime: not my favorite band, by any means. But many friends like them a lot. House of Heroes is an awesome band with three awesome albums. With a sound sort of like Queen mixed with punk rock, these musical geniuses rock out with In the Valley of the Dying Sun, Lose Control, God Save Us Foolish Kings, Relentless, Love is For the Middle Class, Independence Day For A Petty Thief, She Mighty Mighty, Serial Sleepers, and Buckets for Bullet Wounds. Relient K. Almost everyone knows these guys. I can't fit a list of their best songs on here. Just look them up on iTunes. Search the City is a little-known band who made an almost perfect album, but then broke up. On their only album, A Fire So Big the Heavens Can See It, the best songs are Son of a Gun, To the Moon For All I Care, Detroit Was Built on Secrets, Ambulance Chasers, The Rescue, Bigger Scars Make Better Stories, In This Scene You're Just An Extra, and Clocks and Time Pieces. If you can't tell, it's best to just but the whole album. It's worth every penny!

What about music that isn't Christian? Hmm. I've often wondered about this. I like to listen to A Day to Remember, Story of the Year, and Yellowcard. Neither band is Christian, and I have to make sure each song has clean lyrics, but these three guys are so great. My belief is that if the individual song is okay, then it's okay to listen to that song. Don't shun every song because the band themselves or majority of songs are bad. I judge each song by each song. If a song cusses, is about sex or drugs, if a band only sings about parties and girls (like Forever the Sickest Kids), or if it makes me want something I know I shouldn't have (like Taylor Swift making me want to fall in love) I generally won't listen. That's my personal boundary. 

So there you have it. The first post of Replacing the Trash. This was certainly longer than I expected but it's my hope that someone will read this and check these bands out and finally give up bad music. It's my prayer that you will have read this with an open mind, willing to try out new music. Just know that simply switching to Christian music won't help unless it's a heart change, too. You shouldn't switch to look cooler at church, to fit in with your Christian friends, or for any reason other than a change of heart. But if you do have a heart change and surrender your music to God, I guarantee you won't be disappointed with Christian music.

Captivating Yet Corruptive Trash

Trash in, trash out. Ever heard of the concept? No, it has nothing to do with guilting people into recycling. It's a Christian ideal that says if you put trash in your heart or mind, trash comes out of your hear or mind. In layman's terms: If you listen to music or movies or friends that use bad words, eventually you begin to use those same bad words. Or if you watch pornography, you'll probably eventually lose your virginity (or at least be sexually impure). If you put trash in, trash comes out. Get the idea?

The opposite is always true: if you spend your time listening to Christian music or studying the Bible, you're more likely to grow spiritually from that. If you let God in, God's going to shine through you.

But the reason I'm writing is because I overheard a conversation yesterday between co-workers about trash in, trash out. Two people believed in the concept; another said it was too legalistic. I didn't get a chance to share my opinion; I was too busy taking orders.

So here, I wanted to say that I believe wholeheartedly in the concept. While I'm no physcology genius, I know from experience that the music, movies, and friends I surround myself with determine what goes in my heart and thus out of my mouth. I know this because in middle school, I hung out with kids who cussed. I hung out with kids who dated different people weekly for fun. I listened to the popular songs, which were usually about drugs, pre-maritial sex, adultery, parties, or some other godless theme. I watched a few raunchy or horror movies. And some of the effects of that trash are still stuck with me today, as I'm almost done with my Junior year of high school. Three years later and I can still remember the scenes, lyrics, and messages of those captivating yet corruptive things.

I think those who don't believe in trash in, trash out are only kidding themselves. Don't be deceived! Jesus Himself said, "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45). What you put in will come out. Jesus also said, "The things that come out of the mouth come from the heart" (Matt. 15:18).

Trash in, trash out. God in, God out.

What do you think?