Monday, January 10, 2011

A Christian John Conner

Have you ever had a dream that changed your life? I've read in the Old Testament in many different situations where God spoke to someone through a dream, and it changed their life. The best example is the dreams that Joseph had. He had some crazy dreams about wheat and cows. But have you ever had a life-changing dream? I often hear from religious people that God doesn't speak through dreams anymore, but I dare to say different. Why? Because I had one epic dream last night.

I didn't have a crazy dream about aliens, or the rapture, or who I'll marry. An angel didn't speak to me and tell me what college to go to, or how to invest my money. I didn't have a prophetic dream about a major event in world history. In my dream, something far more rattling happened: I died.

Like most dreams, my memory starts partway through the dream. My earliest memory in the dream is that I was having a good time, laughing. Then, I was taken away by men in suits to a room with a table. I was told by a man in a suit that I had some sort of disease. A fatal disease. I would be dead within a day, and they would sedate me so it wouldn't hurt. My memory is scattered from then on, but I distinctly remembered being allowed to go home and say goodbye to my cat, which caused me to cry (that sounds girly, but hey, I love my cat). The only people who knew about my eventual death was my family, and I was too scared to let anyone else know. I remember holding my cell phone, knowing I needed to call a few friends to get right with them, but I was too scared. I remember thinking about what I wished I had done differently, and what mistakes I wished I had not made. To compile my shaky and weepy emotions into one word, I felt regret. I remember that I didn't want to die. Then, I remember being strapped down by people in white coats. I remember seeing my life pass before me. I can remember a pure white clouding my vision... then nothing.

I'm not sure why I felt regret. Sure, I've made enough mistakes in my life for two people, but when I die, I doubt that I'll be feeling regret. I'm pretty sure my mind will be on where I'm about to be and Who I'm about to be with. In addition to this bewildering dream, I watched Left Behind 2 tonight. This movie turned my thoughts and focus on post-rapture life. I thought about illegally living for Christ. I thought about what it would be like to follow God, knowing that doing so would surely be signing my death sentence.

To top off these two thought-provoking events, something else happened last night: I felt God's spirit telling me to become a pastor. I thought about my believed calling to being a spiritual leader. I have some very interesting desires and wants. I have a thirst for God's word. A passion for martyrdom. A desire for Christianity to become illegal in America. A desire to become a Christian version of John Conner. This is pure speculation, but assuming things will soon get rough for Christians in America, or around the world, I can't help but wonder if God has a specific purpose for me to become a known Christian and leader. Who knows? I sense the same mindset and desires in my youth pastor.

I have no clue what will happen in the near future, or in my lifetime. But I know that I will serve God with an undying passion, just like Buck Williams in Left Behind. Maybe it's time for me to stop behaving like a Christian teenager, put childish things behind me, and be the man God wants me to be.


Ashley said...

I had a dream that changed my life too. I'm going to be praying for you. You throw aside what everyone says and follow that passion in your heart to serve the Lord. Let yourself burn for Him. Praise God.

Jennifer said...

I feel like the only right thing to say is, "Congratulations, you've arrived." It's interesting how a set of seemingly ordinary events can be used to radically change our thinking. Change the "man" to "woman" in the last sentence and I'm with you. This post has inspired me.