Impatience, Curiosity, and Hormones

Two of my biggest struggles have always been with lust and temptation. I'm very romantic and I absolutely love romance, and my girlfriend will testify to that! So it's probably only fitting that one of my biggest strengths is also one of my biggest weaknesses.

Over the years, I've learned a lot of good techniques that help me avoid stumbling in sin, and I've love to share some of them with you. But before we dive in, let's get the record straight on something: When it comes to beliefs and standards, many people try to categorize everything into black and white. Something is either righteous or it's sinful, and there's no in between. I disagree with that view. I think this viewpoint is almost accurate, but it still falls short. I believe that there are absolute truths, convictions, and preferences. And what do I mean by that?

Absolute truths are the timeless, boundless truth that the Bible says, and these truths are relevant no matter how old we are, what denomination we belong to, or where we are from. We should all agree with these truths. In relation to our current topic on temptation, saying that sex before or outside of marriage is a sin is an excellent example of an absolute truth. The Bible is more than clear that sex is to kept inside marriage and thus it is a Biblical truth, an absolute truth.

But what about convictions? A good example is kissing before marriage. The Bible doesn't say we should or shouldn't kiss, so the decision is then left to our discretion. In other words, it's an issue of personal conviction. I have the conviction that I should wait till marriage to kiss. I think that if you won't kiss someone who isn't your spouse while you are married, you shouldn't do it before you are married. I also know that kissing can be hard to stop, and I don't want to put myself in a situation where I could lose control. Plus, I think saving my first kiss will just make kissing that much more special when I am married. But it's important for me to remember these are just my convictions and opinions, and that it'd be unfair to judge others who don't share my convictions.

So then what are preferences? Well, a preference is just that: a preference. I think we as Christians fight more over preferences than anything else, which truly reveals our selfish nature. Some Christians prefer hymns over contemporary worship music; some prefer small churches over big churches; some prefer working with youth over working with the elderly. These are all matters of preferences. I prefer Chick-fil-A and Sonic over fast food restaurants. I prefer alternative and punk music over rap and gospel. I prefer fun and creative dates (like going to the children's section of Barnes & Noble and reading your favorite children's books to each other) over going on a hike together. Those are things I prefer, and plenty of other people will prefer a plethora of other things. They are not worth fighting or arguing over which preference is better or worse, because they are just preferences. And just a hint: it'd be wise to learn as much about your boyfriend's or girlfriend's preferences as possible.

With our newly acquired knowledge about absolute truths, convictions, and preferences in mind, it's time to get down to business. As I said, sexual temptation has long been one of my biggest struggles. And it's such a hard thing to fight sometimes. But I think the best technique to fighting temptation is to start thinking with an eternal perspective. After all, the thing about sexual temptation is that it is a combination of impatience, curiosity, and hormones. There's honestly not much you can do about your hormones, but you can do something about your impatience and curiosity.

I choose to look at it this way: either the person you are with is who you will spend your whole life with, or that is not the person God has for you. Either way, it's best to be patient and to move slowly. It's best in the former because you have your whole lives together, so there's no need to be hasty or impatient, and it's best in the latter because you will regret it if you move too fast or if you give too much of yourself away to someone who isn't your future spouse.

A great example is that I want nothing more than to kiss my girlfriend Abby on the lips. I desire it so much, and the romantic (and the hormones) sometime just scream for me to kiss her. Even just a simple good-night kiss would be enough. But I have the conviction to wait until I am married to kiss. And let me tell you: my girlfriend is the best! Even though she doesn't share my conviction about kissing, she does respect it and she's so good about being patient. We've learned to set aside the desire and to focus on the long-term goals.

The best thing to do is to try to not make a decision you could possibly regret one day. For example, I know I would regret kissing Abby because I want to save that for my wedding, a wedding that could very possibly be ours. I've learned that you can't let your impatience and your curiosity drive you or you'll have nothing but regret and shame. So my advice is to decide what your convictions are and then to build your resolve and strength so when you are tested and tempted, you'll have it in you to say no.

I'm not going to try to tell you what is "okay" and "wrong" for you to do. I do, however, believe that the Bible says certain things are wrong and sinful. From reading Scripture, I believe that pre-marital or exra-marital sex is wrong, along with oral sex, nudity, touching/petting, and lustful thoughts. But I think the rest is up for you to decide, and it's something to talk about with your boyfriend/girlfriend. My advice is for you as a couple to decide what your convictions are so that in case you get into a moment of temptation, you'll know where you both stand. It is easier to fight temptation and hormones when you are both in sound agreement on your convictions. Here are some example questions: Should we kiss or should we wait until the wedding day? If we think kissing is okay, then what about making out? Or what about necking? What do we think about snuggling? What kind of PDA is appropriate in church? Where should our hands not go and where is it okay for them to go?

All of your decisions should be made after thoroughly studying Scripture, after spending considerable time in prayer, and after talking with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It also never hurts to ask your parents, youth pastor, or pastor for advice. Remember: don't make a decision you'll regret someday.

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." ~Song of Songs 3:5

After God's Own Heart

Are you pursuing God? Are you living a life in pursuit of God? Are you a man or woman after God's own heart, like King David was?

I don't know about you, but when I die, I want people to remember me as a man after God's own heart. At my funeral, I want the eulogist to remember me as a man who used his lifetime to pursue God. I don't want to waste my life. I don't want to be an old man and realize that my whole life was a waste. That's always been one of my biggest fears. I don't want to be burdened by regret when I am old. I don't want to lay awake at night paralyzed by the knowledge that I could have and should have done more with my life. I want my life to count. I want to be proud of my life. I want to get to the end and be content with my life. I want to know that I used my life for the glory of God. I want my life to be a lifelong pursuit of my Creator and Savior. I want my life to be the result of my desire and passion to know Christ.

I want my life to count, to matter, to be something. I don't have to be written about in history books or be a household name. If that happened, that'd be really cool and it'd be all the more glory to God. But honestly, I just want to know Christ. The rest is inconsequential. Nothing is as important to me as my relationship with Christ. It's the only thing with eternal relevance. Your pursuit of God is the most important and most critical part of your life. And it all comes down to your desire for God. If you don't desire God, if you don't want Him, then you aren't actually following Him.

You see, a relationship with God is in some ways similar to all other relationships. If you have a special someone, then you want to be with that person because you really like him or her. You may even love that person. You want to spend every waking moment with that person because your attraction is so strong and so focused. And it's the same way with God. If God is special to you, you'll spend time in prayer. You'll read your Bible, and what you read will change you. If you desire God and thus pursue Him, He will become your everything. Every little thing in your life will be centered on God. He becomes everything you live for. He becomes Someone worth dying for.

I have here a quote from A.W. Tozer in his book The Pursuit of God. Tozer writes, "I want deliberately to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain."

If you want to follow Christ, then you have to have the acute desire that Tozer talks about. You have to want God. You have to desire God. Otherwise, your religion is dead, your faith is nonexistant, and you are a fake. If you don't desire God, if you aren't in pursuit of Him, then you are not a Christian.

A Christian John Conner

Have you ever had a dream that changed your life? I've read in the Old Testament in many different situations where God spoke to someone through a dream, and it changed their life. The best example is the dreams that Joseph had. He had some crazy dreams about wheat and cows. But have you ever had a life-changing dream? I often hear from religious people that God doesn't speak through dreams anymore, but I dare to say different. Why? Because I had one epic dream last night.

I didn't have a crazy dream about aliens, or the rapture, or who I'll marry. An angel didn't speak to me and tell me what college to go to, or how to invest my money. I didn't have a prophetic dream about a major event in world history. In my dream, something far more rattling happened: I died.

Like most dreams, my memory starts partway through the dream. My earliest memory in the dream is that I was having a good time, laughing. Then, I was taken away by men in suits to a room with a table. I was told by a man in a suit that I had some sort of disease. A fatal disease. I would be dead within a day, and they would sedate me so it wouldn't hurt. My memory is scattered from then on, but I distinctly remembered being allowed to go home and say goodbye to my cat, which caused me to cry (that sounds girly, but hey, I love my cat). The only people who knew about my eventual death was my family, and I was too scared to let anyone else know. I remember holding my cell phone, knowing I needed to call a few friends to get right with them, but I was too scared. I remember thinking about what I wished I had done differently, and what mistakes I wished I had not made. To compile my shaky and weepy emotions into one word, I felt regret. I remember that I didn't want to die. Then, I remember being strapped down by people in white coats. I remember seeing my life pass before me. I can remember a pure white clouding my vision... then nothing.

I'm not sure why I felt regret. Sure, I've made enough mistakes in my life for two people, but when I die, I doubt that I'll be feeling regret. I'm pretty sure my mind will be on where I'm about to be and Who I'm about to be with. In addition to this bewildering dream, I watched Left Behind 2 tonight. This movie turned my thoughts and focus on post-rapture life. I thought about illegally living for Christ. I thought about what it would be like to follow God, knowing that doing so would surely be signing my death sentence.

To top off these two thought-provoking events, something else happened last night: I felt God's spirit telling me to become a pastor. I thought about my believed calling to being a spiritual leader. I have some very interesting desires and wants. I have a thirst for God's word. A passion for martyrdom. A desire for Christianity to become illegal in America. A desire to become a Christian version of John Conner. This is pure speculation, but assuming things will soon get rough for Christians in America, or around the world, I can't help but wonder if God has a specific purpose for me to become a known Christian and leader. Who knows? I sense the same mindset and desires in my youth pastor.

I have no clue what will happen in the near future, or in my lifetime. But I know that I will serve God with an undying passion, just like Buck Williams in Left Behind. Maybe it's time for me to stop behaving like a Christian teenager, put childish things behind me, and be the man God wants me to be.