Lately, I've been struggling with my pride, entitlement, and selfishness. If you read my post Really Really Small (which I highly doubt, since, though I consider it one of my best posts, has received only three views so far), then you understand. Up until recently, I had the wrong definition of "pride." I always thought pride is another way to say "cocky." I believed it was the I'm-better-than-you attitude; a sense of entitlement. Additionally, I thought pride was assimilated with selfishness, the I'm-too-important-to-serve attitude.
Yes, these are different parts of pride. But I've learned that isn't all that pride means. The prideful are those who inflate their talent or value. I have this attitude. It's the conceited attitude of I'm-so-important-this-church-would-fail-without-me. Yeah, as if I could be the cornerstone of the church, the infallible portion the church is built on. (That's Jesus, by the way. Luke 20:17) It's conceit, plain and simple.
Have you ever felt the same way? I've often felt like I'm Kobe. Whether I'm the smartest in the class or when I feel too important in church, conceit rarely fails to find me in my moments of weakness. It hits especially when I'm dissatisfied. I think, "I could preach so much better than that." Or maybe, "I could teach this class so much better than my teacher." Sinful, right? Right. Talk about stuck on myself. You're probably as surprised as me that God hasn't blasted me with lightning after some of the conceitful thoughts I've had.
I know, I know. I need to work on it. And I am. I've realized that I'm not as big or important as I thought. Check out Really Really Small if you want to see how small, petty, and insignificant we all really are. I've spent a lot of time broken in His presence. I now know what David experienced when he realized his sin and competely humbled Himself before God. I can't stop thinking about how big and wonderful He is.
I'm trading in pride, entitlement, selfishness, and pride for humility, meekness, and a gratefulness for God's everlasting grace.
How has your pride been lately?