Since I started truly living for Jesus in the past year, my relationship with Him has been increasingly intimate. I have learned to be completely real with Him. To tell Him everything. To not withhold any information, secrets, struggles, burdens, concerns, or hopes. My prayers are more open and bold. I can tell God pretty much everything. To me, Jesus was my Savior, Lord, Lover, Giver, Helper, Counselor, and Adviser.
Yet my understanding of God was too small to see that there were other types of relationships we can share with Him. In Crazy Love, author Francis Chan explained his understanding of relationships with God. He said that our relationships with God can be connected to one of two things: intimacy or reverence. The more sensitive people lean towards being intimate with God, as they call Him their Lover, Friend, Helper, Counselor, and Companion. Those who are more reverent with God tend to view Him as the Savior, Perfect Judge, the One to be feared, and the Great and Holy God sitting upon His heavenly throne.
For the last few weeks, I started to see God more reverently than intimately. I've had more respect and an unapproachable feeling about Him. I felt disconnected as a result. My Bible didn't jump out at me. Worship had grown tiresome since it was the same thirty songs over and over and over again. My prayer life seemed shallow and like I was just praying for the sake of prayer, not to talk to God.
But now I've grown to love God with an intimate passion again. God wired me to love with intimacy and not respect. While it's good to have a conscience fear, awe, and respect of God, I value God more when I can tell Him about my struggles, dreams, and desires more so than when God feels unapproachable. Who wants a Creator that can never be approached? I want a relationship with a God who will hold me in His arms, cry with me, and never let me go.